Another
sad, unnecessary loss. Another voice
that hugely influenced my formative years gone.
I know that I am only one of millions who woke up to the heartbreaking
news that legendary frontman Chris Cornell was dead. It makes it even sadder knowing that likely
it was suicide. It’s like a punch to the
gut. Reminds me a lot of Robin Williams,
someone who was so loved and so influential yet could not find their own inner
peace.
This was going to start off as a
tribute to such a great musician and voice, and it still will, but before that
I need to address the ‘how.’
I saw
someone on Twitter write today that ‘depression doesn’t care who you are.’ It is so true. I have dealt with my own bouts of depression
over the years. The worst one came in
2001-2002. It was at this point that I
was on three different medications to combat this illness that is so hard to
describe and so hard for people to see.
It is more than just ‘feeling down.’
It is much deeper than something you can just ‘snap out of.’ It just becomes your life, your own prison
that you sit in waiting for another shoe to drop, the shoe that brings you back
to who you were.
For me I
had a wake up call when my three medications negatively interacted. I could not get up from my bed, feeling as if
my stomach was full of liquid. I thought
it could be a GI bleed. 911 had to be
called and paramedics had to come to get me.
They had to literally unscrew my bedroom door off its hinges to be able
to get the stretcher inside and wheel me out.
At the hospital when trying to set me up with an IV the nurse missed the
vein and ended up filling much of my right elbow with fluid. It was a bad scene, I was angry at myself, at
my head, that I had allowed this depression to take me down this road to where
I was being rushed to the ER due to medication complications. However that was not my true wake up.
My aha
moment was looking off to the right as I was being wheeled out of my house and
seeing my 2-year old niece terrified and upset at what she was seeing. I had never felt so badly as I did then,
knowing that something going on with me caused that fear. She made me fight it.
I left the
hospital and vowed to never take another pill for depression again. I quit all three meds cold turkey. Yes, I have had bouts of depression in the 15
years since, including one this year, but no matter what I try to put it all in
perspective and keep going one day at a time.
I was lucky to have family and friends who helped see me through it
because I let them know what I was going through.
The
sticking point is that last part. Those
going through depression need to summon that strength to tell someone what you
are going through. If not it can mask
itself as someone being busy, or being anti-social, or numerous other
things. The thing is Chris Cornell had
people that loved him, his wife and two kids and family beyond that who could
have helped. It may feel like you are
weak because you are dealing with depression and asking for help, but it is the
opposite. It takes strength to admit you
need a hand in life. I did it and am
here today.
Chris
Cornell joins Scott Weiland, Layne Staley, and my non-family hero Kurt Cobain
on the Mount Rushmore of Grunge artists who are now gone. It is amazing how death hits this genre so
often. He had one of the greatest voices
I have ever heard in music. With an
unbelievable range and power that could reach through the speakers and slap you
in the face. I will not going into depth
about favorite songs, they will be shared below. Chris could be soft and soothing, or hard and
untamable, back and forth.
His gift
was so strong that he made a name for himself with three different bands,
Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave, and on his own. The Seattle scene of the late 1980’s and
early 1990’s with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, Mudhoney,
and more. This is the music that I
identified with, this is the music I grew up with. It is sad and yet fitting that the people
responsible for creating so much of this music were every bit as flawed and
human as me. This is what made them
relatable.
I am so sad
that Chris Cornell ended his life last night.
His memory will live on in his wife and kids, and of course his
music. Thank you Chris for being a huge
part of the years that made me who I am, I will not forget you. Rest In Peace
Below I am
sharing my ten favorite Chris Cornell tracks, in no particular order. Take a listen and see why this loss hurts so
much. Thank you.
Soundgarden - Superunknown
Audioslave - I Am the Highway
Chris Cornell - Sunshower
Temple of the Dog - Say Hello 2 Heaven
Soundgarden - Fell On Black Days
Soundgarden - Outshined
Audioslave - Shadow On the Sun
Chris Cornell - Billie Jean
Soundgarden - Rusty Cage
Soundgarden - Birth Ritual
