44 - 3/19/11 - Marshside Storytime VIII

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

44 – 3/19/11

Marshside Storytime VIII – Cooks vs. Food

For tonight’s Marsh Storytime we go back to the most famous food fight in Marsh history.  We go all the way back to my first year there, 1993, for this one in a million story.  In my first season I was a young and naïve dishwasher, yes an American dishwasher, they went extinct sometime in the late 90’s.  Anyway, I was working the night shift with three other very famous Marsh Hall of Famers, Maui, Remi, and Craig. 

            The night was relatively slow and I was able to coast a bit with the dishes.  Being new I was pretty quiet and just did what I was told unlike today where I don’t shut up.  During the night I would get periodic requests to go across to the prep area/barn/warehouse and retrieve something needed by the kitchen.  It was slow enough that Craig had been sent across to do some night prep so I was able to ask him what exactly they needed back in the kitchen.

            At some point Maui and Remi thought it would be funny to start throwing cherry tomatoes at me as I headed across the parking lot.  Lucky for me they were pretty bad shots.  Tomatoes would skid across the rocky parking lot or splat against the barn.  The throwing of cherry tomatoes became a past-time and we even ended up having a few tomato plants growing by the prep room door after a while.

            With their first assault attempt a failure I figured they’d quit and leave me alone.  Wrong.  It seemed odd that they constantly needed stuff from next door but being new I did not question the frequency of the trips.  Each time the tiny tomatoes would come whizzing by, only one or two actually making contact with me.  The rest were a waste which would have been hell in today’s ‘food cost is all that matters’ Marsh.

            I ended up cluing Craig into what was up since he had heard a few of the tomatoes hit the wall and wondered what was happening.  Craig knew that Maui and Remi were waiting outside for me to come back and hooked me up with a large sheet pan which I held like a shield to protect myself.  From inside the prep room I could clearly see Maui standing in the kitchen doorway watching.  It was dusk but I always had good eyes.  Sadly I could not see Remi which worried me.

            The capper for me went this way.  I had the sheet pan in front of me and was preparing to head out the door into the war zone.  Craig came up behind me and told me to ‘take this to throw.’  I put my right hand back and he put something in it.  I thought that it was a tomato or maybe a dinner roll.  Wrong again.  I opened the door and stepped out. 

            Immediately Maui began firing, tomatoes splatted near me but I was untouched.  Then I saw Remi, he had been ducking down standing on the picnic table next to the dumpster.  Being concealed by the seven-foot fence he had a great surprise attack position.  He began firing and the cherry tomatoes struck the sheet pan, so having that paid off.  Then Remi made his mistake.

            He got down from the picnic table and started to run for the kitchen door.  From my angle there was less than three-feet of open space between the fences, not to mention the steps going up to the deck, and the fact that it was almost dark.  Baring that in mind I cocked my right hand back and fired what was in it.  Now, what I thought was a roll or tomato ended up being a raw red bliss potato a little bigger than a golf ball.

            With all of the things going against me it seemed like I would nail the fence.  Nope.  I nailed Remi as he ran up the stairs right in the side of the head.  The 6’3” 200+ lb. Remi collapsed in a heap on the deck.  Shocked that I actually hit him, and worried that the big man might kill me, I ran over to check on him.

            I apologized profusely as he still lay on the deck clutching the side of his head.  He was surprisingly conciliatory and admitted that he had started it by throwing the tomatoes.  So I was off the hook and we had a world famous story to tell for all eternity.  Food fights like that did not happen all that much after that, we all had learned our lesson, even though nothing happened to me so what the hell did I have to learn.  Maybe to check what’s in your hand before you throw it?  Oh well, that’s Craig’s fault not mine.  Cheers!