8 - June 13, 2010 - Sh*t Maui Says Vol. 1

-->

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

June 13, 2010 – Sh*t Maui Says Volume 1

1.      Maui on Tips for Wait Staff – “It doesn’t matter about the food, it comes down to service and looks.  Better looking means better tips.”

2.      Maui on Chocolate – “Breakfast of champions.”

3.      Maui when one of the dishwashers get upset – “Shut the f*ck up before I kick your ass.”

4.      Maui on the wait staff in general – “Why are you all so stupid!?”

5.      Maui on college kids working at the Marsh – “Stop wasting your parents’ money, obviously you’re not learning anything.”

6.      Maui on Customer Complaints (overcooked meats) – “Tell him come back here so I can choke his neck until it is the right color for his steak.”

7.      Maui on allergies – “I don’t believe him/her, I want to go out there and see their face swell up first.”

8.      Maui on getting the job done – “Take your time but hurry up.”

9.      Maui on working together – “Get out of my space.”

10.  Maui on executives – “He’s a f*cking bonehead.”

11.  Maui on horse racing – “Stupid f*cking horse, you’re gonna be hash by tomorrow!”

12.  Maui on cleanliness – “I want this place to be clean like my ass.”

13.  Maui on a dishwasher complaining of headaches – “What’s the matter?  You been whacking off so much that it made you dizzy?”

14.  Maui on special orders – “What the f*ck is this bull sh*t!?  They making their own f*cking menu out there?”

15.  Maui on his birthday celebration today – “We need to order some strippers, oh hey you’ll do!”

Song of the Day:  Pakalolo - Makaha Sons of Ni'ihau

Photo of the Day:  As the Village People, Halloween 1999 (Me, Maui, Remi)

7 - June 10, 2010

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

June 10, 2010

1.       After hearing him on WEEI yesterday I can honestly say that Charles Barkley is the funniest man in sports.  I could listen to him talk all day.

2.      An old couple went to the supermarket today, the woman got out and went inside.  The car alarm started going off and the old man did not know what to do so he sat in the passenger seat with his fingers in his ears.  I immediately knew that was going in here.

3.      Does anybody know where that Fiber One salesman is from?  British accent and Middle Eastern?  Also why is he never mad that people are opening the boxes and eating the cereal in the supermarket? 

4.      The ‘that’s a low price’ guy from Staples needs to get smacked.

5.      Sometimes great things come from where you’d least expect, it means you should look everywhere for your happiness, not just in the safe places you know.

6.      The best way to find out the truth about something is to ask.  Yeah, I know, real deep insight, but I am notorious for jumping to conclusions in my own head.  Usually right, but not always.

7.      I believe that Stephen Strasburg is about to take baseball on a wild ride.  14 K’s in his debut?  Are you kidding?  Pirates or not the kid is money, could Washington be a playoff team in the next few years?  I think so.

8.      My nephew Landon decided to run out through the backyard right after his bath.  Literally had to catch him before he dove in the mud, I made a great save though, good uncle I am.

9.      Landon also just beat the hell out of me, jumping on my back and grinding my face into the rug, he’s 2 now, imagine when he’s a teen?  He’ll be using me as a backpack.

10.  My niece Emma was online looking for YouTube, what she found was YouPorn, absolutely classic we laughed, she was mad.

11.  Sending my thoughts and prayers to 16-year-old Abby Sunderland, attempting to be the youngest person to sail around the world alone she is feared lost at sea off the coast of Morocco.

12.  Tonight is Game 4, Celtics/Lakers.  Got no gut feeling on this, just hope that the C’s can tie it all up!

Quote of the Day: “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Song of the Day:  Never Give You Up – Raphael Saadiq

Photo of the Day:  Fort Phoenix State Park, Fairhaven, Mass.

6 - June 7, 2010

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

June 7, 2010

1.      Woke up Saturday at 8:45am with it pitch black out, the line of severe thunderstorms that rolled through were sick.  It actually got really bright when the rain came down like one big sheet.  I pity those who were outside in that.

2.      Did not know there was a such thing as a Sharpie tree until I saw one hanging on a branch leaving work today.  Where do I buy Sharpie seeds so I can grow my own?

3.      Nothing beats cold, raw chicken juice as it runs down your leg into your sock.  Sadly it was not the first time, nor was it the worst thing I’ve spilled on myself.

4.      I guess I am the last person to get smacked by the pollen, it worked its way down the ladder and now has me hurting.  Should I even bother to buy allergy meds since the pollen season ends soon? 

5.      I can’t be the only one that gets annoyed by people who start eating chips in line at the sub shops.  I mean, are you that hungry that you can’t even wait to pay for them first?  Chew some gum to take your mind off it.

6.      Food for thought: If you made just ½ of 1% of what Alex Rodriguez is making this year you would be making $165,000.  That’s right .5%, just sick, especially since he’s a jackass and a Yankee.

7.      My mother was so happy that she had washed my nephew’s balls.  Of course she meant his toys he plays with, but it was still good for a laugh.

8.      I think its time to invest in some new gym shirts, wearing the same collection of 4 for nearly two years have left them impossible to get fully clean/fresh.  It’s not a good look, smell, or feeling.

9.      Got to bear witness to a crazy old man sitting in Subway talking out loud to nobody, it was even better when a crazy middle aged man showed up and tried to have a conversation with him.  Wow, it was like break time at the nut house.

10.  Highbank Bridge in Yarmouth has been worked on for so long I swear these people damage something else while they fix one thing just so they can milk the crazy money they get for holding their hands up to direct traffic.  Trained monkeys will do it cheaper you know?

11.  Wishing my brother Matt a happy 27^th birthday, well it was yesterday but it took me 2 days to finish this.

12.  If you want a good laugh hit the Subway in Hyannis at the Exit 6 off ramp at night.  There is a guy who works there that literally sings your order to you.  If you can make it through your order without laughing you are better than me.  I sort of want to see someone try to piss him off to see if he’d sing angrily at the person.

Quote of the Day: “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” – Sven Goran Eriksson

Song of the Day: Everybody Here Wants You – Jeff Buckley

Photo of the Day:  Pembroke, Mass. - A war memorial statue stands among rides for an upcoming carnival.

5 - June 4, 2010

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

June 4, 2010

1.      Sorry lady, but if you are going to start changing into your workout clothes in a room with a huge window facing the gym of course people are going to stop and stare.  Not all dumb jocks are men, you are an example.

2.      I believe that on Cape Cod there are more Dunkin’ Donuts per capita than people.  They out number churches, police stations, and hospitals combined.  I guess coffee is more important than religion, safety, and health, oh wait, hell yeah it is.

3.      Not every day that I nearly step on a foot and a half long brown snake as a hawk hovers overhead.  Not sure if it was looking to eat it or if it was coincidence, but it was cool none the less.

4.      Only 6 months ago I saw Wes Welker tear two ligaments in his knee.  Now he is practicing during the OTA’s?  I just want to know what he took to heal so fast so that I can have some on hand in case I get hit by a bus.

5.      If you keep missing a connection by one second does that mean it’s not meant to be, or that you need to arrive one second earlier?

6.      Didn’t realize how much twin beds suck until I slept in a queen-sized for the first time in 7 months last night.  Twin beds are like sleeping on balance beams, roll an inch too far and you’re on the floor.

7.      One of my all-time favorite sports heroes, Ken Griffey Jr., retired today.  With all of the steroid-era players I believe in my heart that he was clean and therefore one of the greatest ever to play the game.  We will see him again, in 5 years at Cooperstown.

8.      Why does Hollywood feel the need to remake/reboot so many films?  Now it’s The Crow, one of my favorites.  Think up some new ideas, I have plenty, give me a call.

9.      Umpire Jim Joyce made possibly the worst call in history as he called a man safe at first with 2 outs in the 9^th.  Why the worst?  Detroit pitcher Armando Galarraga had a perfect game going.  The man was clearly out and this umpire ruined it.  Apologies only go so far.  They should reverse his call. 

10.   In the Gulf of Mexico the oil is still pouring out, just thought I’d keep that in everyone’s minds since it’s been more than six weeks.  It was a joke to begin with, a disgrace after a week or so, now it might be the beginning of the end of oil period, the outcry for clean energy is going to go off the charts.

11.   The phrase ‘get your (blank) on’ needs to go, it is so irritatingly over used.

12.   So sad to hear about the loss of the legend John Wooden.  One of the greatest coaches in sports history and one of the greatest ambassadors for basketball as well.  At age 99 he lived an amazing life, rest in peace sir.

13.   Only when you go off Cape do you realize just how much open space/farm land there is even just over the bridge.  It blows my mind each time.

Quote of the Day:  “Every artist was first an amateur.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Song of the Day:  All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

Photo of the Day: The Bourne Bridge

4 - June 3, 2010

Initial Impressions

Christopher Setterlund

June 3, 2010 – In My Footsteps Travel Day

1.      Almost didn’t go today due to the threat of rain, luckily all we got was fog.

2.      There is nothing cooler than driving through the fog and having the sun break out up ahead.  It is also incredibly scary to go over one of the bridges when you can’t see below you. 

3.      Got to visit a cemetery in East Bridgewater where my great-great grandparents are buried, along with many other relatives.  The odd thing was walking across the cemetery and the house next door had ‘Jet City Woman’ by Queensryche playing.  Sort of a weird choice of mood music.

4.      This was my second trip to Bridgewater, second because the first time I did not bring any addresses.  A GPS can’t find places without addresses, yes I am a college grad and did not think of this before.

5.      Hockomock Swamp is the center of all sorts of supposed paranormal activity in East Bridgewater.  I did not see Bigfoot, it was creepy though when the fog rolled back in just as I arrived deep in the swamp.  I did proceed to get chewed like jerky by insects.

6.      Part of me actually started wishing the fog stayed put as it got really hot and humid after the sun came out.  Next week I should bring a change of clothes, not fun.

7.      There was a really nice little farm next to the Keith House on River Street in W. Bridgewater.  There were tons of cows that all seemed a little too interested in me.  Maybe they wanted me to swat the flies off of their backs.

8.      A great surprise was in Pembroke.  There was a carnival being set up across from the Town Hall.  It was on the grounds of the Memorial Park which meant that there were war memorials lying in and among the rides and snack stands.  It made for an interesting dichotomy, too bad it wasn’t open yet.

9.      Again my GPS seems to want to either kill me or confuse me.  It has me take a right from a parking lot and do a big square of driving when a left turn would have saved time.  Is this common in England and since I use the British voice the computer is using their driving habits?

10.  Oh and also the Friends Meetinghouse in Pembroke is really cool, but it is on this dangerous corner which nearly got me killed twice.  Eventually I parked at a party supply store and walked.

11.  I went to see the Winslow House, home of the town’s founding family, in Marshfield at the perfect time.  There was the annual meeting and fundraiser going on just as I got there which made this 17^th century home sound more like a cafeteria.  Do I get an extra scoop of mashed potatoes if I ask nicely lunch lady?

12.  Got to visit the grave of Daniel Webster, plus his law office, and estate.  His name is huge in American history and in the town of Marshfield, but there was another name now synonymous with the town that I had to visit.     

13.  The Marshfield Hills General Store was bought last year by Steve Carell and his wife.  He said he might at times show up to work.  He was not there today, but there is a bunch of ‘The Office’ merchandise for sale.  When I mentioned this to the clerk he was coy, but I got a receipt to remember that I was there.  I should have got a ‘That’s what she said’ shirt, but oh well.

14.  Near Damons Point in Marshfield there was a house along the water with a row of at least 50-60 birdhouses, seriously, it was like a bird hotel.

15.  Was supposed to hit up Kingston today too but the places I listed were not easy to find.  Yeah I know, I had the GPS, and addresses and still failed to find them.  Sorry but the Independence Mall was not going to be the centerpiece of an article.

16.  Funny how people are real quick to let me out of an intersection when there’s a cop behind me. 

17.  Gas was up to 20 cents cheaper per gallon off Cape.

18.   Finishing up the day with a visit to the Thai Garden in the Cape Cod Mall and watching the remake of Friday the 13^th, only giving it a shot because I loved the original.  Nothing special thus far.

Quote of the Day: “Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office.

Song of the Day:  Toes – Zac Brown Band

Photo of the Day:  Statue on Lynn Common - Lynn, Mass.