Thursday, June 24, 2010
June 24, 2010
1. To all of the girls checking me out at the gym, think of me as the NFL, you need 2 years of college before I am interested. Been waiting a while to bust that one out.
2. Something is starting to come over me, I might actually be turning into a soccer fan. Maybe not looney like the ones who’d kill a player for a mistake, but a normal fan none the less.
3. Imagine, the U.S. winning its group in the World Cup for the first time since 1930 while Italy and France go home. There might not be a title coming but I’ll bet it will be a great ride.
4. To all of those who watch The Office, I feel like I am Jim. My life is eerily following the show. I feel like I am here right now: The Office: Season 2 Episode 22 - Casino Night
Where it goes from there is all up to whoever is writing my life.
5. Honestly, some guys at the gym just don’t realize how much of a tool they are. Some white trash guy today with his gold chains on making a point to shout out his rap music as he walks around the gym. Wow he needed a dumbbell upside his head.
6. Okay there has been a lot of debate about this on WEEI but here are the facts. It is Papelbon with an ‘N,’ not Papelbom, damn you idiots can’t you read the back of his jersey?
7. It’s not everyday that you see a turtle in your yard. He was coming up the driveway as I was leaving, so I snapped a few shots of him and then carried him out back since that was where he was heading. Haven’t seen him since, hope I didn’t get him eaten by a hawk or something.
8. When I say my life is like a Seinfeld episode it is for things like this. Go to Subway for dinner, pull into the lot and there are two girls fighting. One fat one yelling she owed her money from the bar across the street, the skinny one trying to get into some apartment. Some old white-haired guy tried to break it up, all we needed was a ‘Jerry, Jerry!’ chant. Dinner and a show, the cops came but I don’t know what the ending was.
9. Dr. Tim answers your questions: “What’s the difference between cooking with salted or unsalted butter?” A: “One has salt, the other doesn’t.” Thanks Dr. Tim.
10. You ever look up and realize you have sort of gone off the tracks? Been a hectic month or so and I just realized this fact. It’s all about focus, someone I know says that ‘if you want to get to where you want to, you have to be selfish.’ Amen.
11. Getting stir crazy not traveling the past few weeks, next week comes Gloucester Part II, along with probably Ipswich and one other spot. Can’t freakin’ wait!
12. The washing machine I use is a liar, it took about 20 minutes for it to count 5 minutes. Liar! Maybe it’s evil? Or like if Forrest Gump was a washing machine? ‘I am not a smart machine, but I know what clean is.’ Whatever.
13. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson. I was one that was able to keep his personal oddities separate from his musical genius. No matter what people think of him there is no denying that he is one of the greatest musical talents to ever live. He was also a huge part of my childhood, rest in peace MJ.
Do You Remember?: Classic Public Service Announcements: Snuffy the Talking Fire Engine, Abominable Snowman – Balancing Your Meal, Time for Timer – Hanker for a Hunk of Cheese, McGruff the Crime Dog
Quote of the Day: “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” - Anonymous
Photo of the Day: A turtle in the driveway.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
June 20, 2010
1. So I spent nearly 72 hours without television in my new place, tried everything possible to get the cable to work. Turns out that I had the TV hooked into a cable outlet that had no power, that made me feel really smart.
2. I find it humorous that a 50-something man from Haiti who speaks almost no English, and a 50-something man from Brazil who speaks almost no English can somehow carry on hours of conversation. What the hell do they say? No. Yes. Busy. No good. Stimulating.
3. Am starting to believe that mosquitoes plan their days around when I will be getting in and out of my car at my new place. They come out of nowhere when I hit the car, maybe there are alarms going off at their nests with me on a big screen.
4. Today I was trying to get the Italy/New Zealand World Cup game on TV at work. Messed around with the remote but got no picture on the screen. Finally figured it out and got a picture, it was the On Demand porn section. Being guys of course we checked out all the titles, but I stopped short of ordering when I realized even though they agreed the guys would point the finger at me as the trigger man.
5. It is incredible that we have reached the point where all of the 80’s movies and television are being remade. Transformers, A-Team, Karate Kid, Smurfs, Fraggle Rock, Thundercats, GI Joe, and now Pac Man. Feel like I am 8 years old again, but the Mannequin remake, uh we can do without that.
6. Which would you rather have to deal with pollen or humidity? Man I’d settle for 60 degrees and pollen rather than clear air 85 and sticky.
7. You need to exercise great patience and be willing to wait for something you really want.
8. I know that the beaches become free again sometime after 5, but when do these gate keepers arrive in the morning? I mean if I got there before them there’s nothing they could do, right? I am going to go to the beach at 6am and see who’s there.
9. So I woke up after the disappointing end to the Celtics Game 7 and suddenly realized the Red Sox have the 3rd best record in baseball. Guess the stories of them being dead and buried were false.
10. Heard Don McLean’s ‘American Pie’ today, just have to wonder how you follow up a song that ends up being one of the most famous ever? Should you just retire, or make inferior music and damage your rep?
11. Wishing a Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, Jack, my Grampa, Sully, and my stepdad, Serpa.
Maui Quote of the Day: - being asked if he wanted some Italian bread for a sub – “Do I look Italian? F*ck the French!”
Do You Remember?: Odd 1980’s Cereals – OJ’s Cereal, Rocky Road Cereal, Circus Fun, Ice Cream Cones, Nintendo Cereal
Photo of the Day: Wellfleet Harbor
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
June 16, 2010
1. So my first night in my new place I came to realize that the showerhead faces the door to the shower. Found this out when the water pressure blew the door open. Thankfully I solved that problem real fast.
2. It’s always great when you go to take money out of an ATM and the screen is covered with some sticky liquid. I did not want to test and see what it was, I had to pick and choose where I touched the screen, just nasty.
3. Listen, I know people are upset and disappointed in the Celtics performance in Game 6, me being one, but hearing a guy call WEEI and cry made me rethink exactly how bad things really are. Crying? Dude, watch soap operas and leave sports to men.
4. Just a little something I have noticed, women always call their friends ‘girlfriends.’ How do you think it would go over if guys referred to their friends as ‘boyfriends?’
5. Some people just don’t realize how great they are and settle for much less than they are worth. Just an observation.
6. I have asked several people this: Do you think Phil Jackson is overrated or underrated? I say overrated and I’ll tell you why. Although he is one of the best coaches ever, he is not Red Auerbach. Red created the teams that are some of the greatest of all-time, Phil Jackson inherited them. He did not acquire Jordan, or Kobe, he just got more out of them.
7. So writers are saying Kobe is playing for his status as one of the all-time greats. Here are my Top 5 basketball players of all-time in no particular order: Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson. Discuss.
8. Haven’t looked them up but have found myself wondering if there are porno flicks named after the Choco Taco, and the song ‘Come On, Eileen.’ Am I the only one who think there are?
9. “We need a nice clean towel here at summer camp. Not one who shoots heroin and has sex for money.” Only South Park can come up with something so random but so insanely funny. That is from the episode ‘Crippled Summer’ if you want to check it out.
10. Happened upon my barbell earring today which formerly resided in my right eyebrow. Hadn’t seen that thing since about 2001, yes I had my eyebrow pierced, actually before my ear, it was a quarter-life crisis deal.
11. I find it very amusing when celebrities update their status on Myspace that a bunch of people leave comments like their talking to them. Hey, loser, they don’t know who the hell you are and they don’t read your stupid comments! ‘Duh, Alicia Keys, I totally agree that such and such a film is great too.’ Fools.
12. Looking at my Nana’s microwave and my Nana’s television only serves to remind me of how much I miss her, but I know that she is with me.
Quote of the Day: “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” – George Bernard Shaw
Photo of the Day: Roger Williams Park Casino, Providence, RI
Monday, June 14, 2010
June 14, 2010 – Sh*t Maui Says – Volume 2 – The Stories
1. Lighting and attempting to smoke the wrong end of a cigarette.
2. Dropping his glasses on a sheet pan of raw chicken and then proceeding to cook them for 45 minutes at 500 degrees.
3. Forgetting his glasses and attempting to read a slip, beginning to put food down only to realize that it was the special sheet and not an order.
4. Finding the oddest places to lay down, a shelf in the shed, bags of flour, inside the hall closet where we keep our plastic containers.
5. In the old days when he wanted to fire someone there was a single chair in the barn where he would sit to deliver the ‘bad news’ to his intended victim.
6. Having more extravagant dinners than most customers Ex: prime rib, homemade éclair, shrimp cocktail. That’s good eating.
7. Having more candy in his reach-in fridge than food to serve, more chocolate than the Hershey factory, and a stash of ice cream treats in the freezer. He knows what he likes.
8. Letting me fill his IPod with music, 800+ songs, and then proceeding to erase it all when he added Pandora to it. This was after I had filled it and erased it myself and then refilled it, going in circles.
9. When I did prep as a teen there was always a full piece of yellow-lined paper with two columns of work to do, no punching out just TCB, Liam and Brian can back me up on that.
10. One day I needed a ride into work, I woke up at 4:45am and saw Maui coming up to the door to wake me up! I told him thanks but that I would never ask for a ride again after getting up that early.
11. The ‘wolf’ Maui’s alter-ego that comes out during the final hours of his last shift of the week. It spells doom for those in his path keeping him from the back door.
12. Convinced me to buy an entire cd by an artist named Michael Franks that had 1 good song, it was a waste of $14, ended up giving it to him, happy flippin’ birthday.
13. Begging me to leave a few cd’s behind to listen to at night, several years ago, coming back in to find them soaked in grease and dust, instantly ruined.
14. When we recently switched to a slightly smaller round plate Maui spent several minutes staring at it thinking he had lost his mind.
15. The old days of constantly sending people up to Tedeschi’s to buy scratch tickets, Five Dollah, Five Dollah!? All-time classic.
16. Recently grabbing his beer too fast and it spraying all over his face, seeing him standing there with it dripping on the floor was too funny.
17. Buying hundreds of dollars worth of stuff from the chef catalog, hats, pants, shoes, the whole works. Where are my damn shoes!?
18. Being the Mayor of Cape Cod, he knows everyone that walks in the door.
19. That being said he forgets everyone’s name, if he pauses, or calls you ‘honey’, ‘brutha,’ or something like that it’s because he has no clue what your name is.
20. I love you Maui, you’re my mentor and this is all out of love!
Song of the Day: Burn One Down – Ben Harper
Photo of the Day: Old school Marsh beer, provided by Dana.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
June 13, 2010 – Sh*t Maui Says Volume 1
1. Maui on Tips for Wait Staff – “It doesn’t matter about the food, it comes down to service and looks. Better looking means better tips.”
2. Maui on Chocolate – “Breakfast of champions.”
3. Maui when one of the dishwashers get upset – “Shut the f*ck up before I kick your ass.”
4. Maui on the wait staff in general – “Why are you all so stupid!?”
5. Maui on college kids working at the Marsh – “Stop wasting your parents’ money, obviously you’re not learning anything.”
6. Maui on Customer Complaints (overcooked meats) – “Tell him come back here so I can choke his neck until it is the right color for his steak.”
7. Maui on allergies – “I don’t believe him/her, I want to go out there and see their face swell up first.”
8. Maui on getting the job done – “Take your time but hurry up.”
9. Maui on working together – “Get out of my space.”
10. Maui on executives – “He’s a f*cking bonehead.”
11. Maui on horse racing – “Stupid f*cking horse, you’re gonna be hash by tomorrow!”
12. Maui on cleanliness – “I want this place to be clean like my ass.”
13. Maui on a dishwasher complaining of headaches – “What’s the matter? You been whacking off so much that it made you dizzy?”
14. Maui on special orders – “What the f*ck is this bull sh*t!? They making their own f*cking menu out there?”
15. Maui on his birthday celebration today – “We need to order some strippers, oh hey you’ll do!”
Song of the Day: Pakalolo - Makaha Sons of Ni'ihau
Photo of the Day: As the Village People, Halloween 1999 (Me, Maui, Remi)